List of Demands...

Dear Bill,

Jen and I have been discussing this for some time. We've decided it was time to put our demands on paper, so to speak.

Of course, everything is up for bargaining, if you know the proper ways to bargain. *wink*

Demands:

#1 Hire a maid. Of the studly MALE variety. Preferably one who cooks AND cleans.
#2 Buy a dishwasher. Either a manual buff male hottie or one of the electrical variety.
#3 Babysitters for when we do not feel like taking care of the children.
#4 A lifetime candy supply. Let it never run out.
#5 A Male chauffer.
These are the demands at this time. They are subject to change at our whims.

Notes:
There are currently 3 children. If you'd like more, that could possibly be bargained over.

We already agreed to the King size pillowtop bed with 14 pillows.

Luv,
Kris & Jen (hereinafter known as we two ho's)

Blog Heist

Did you know the two of you are morons.

I've deleted the insanity.

Now as for an update. My house really is possessed, It must be.

But it's coming right along.


Just for Jen "Quotes from the insanity"

JC Here live from the new Rose Red

You're writing in pink?

I'm masculine enough to pull it off.

Whatever. Jay here too. This house hates me

We all do.

I swear its possessed.

Anyways we're doing my room next, right?

You get a room?

Duh. Didn't you read the contract.

Wait. You have a contract?

Yep.

My Wife didn't tell me.

Oops Oh well. The reason we've hijacked your blog is to make you laugh. We love you, little. Enough to look like dumbasses.

For the record only he looks like a dumbass.


and later:

You are getting off track. Kris, I love you. You are my better half.

Can I yak now?

Hugs kisses and all that other shit.

What he said ^

The Shag List -- Meme

Shag list meme.... do if you dare. ;)

A) Bold the names of guys you'd definitely shag.
B) Possibly shag after a little persuasion, put in italics.
C) Leave the ones you don't know of or wouldn't want to shag alone.
D) Color in red the ones you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
E) ADD ONE OF YOUR OWN AT THE END




1. Stephen Dorff
2. Wesley Snipes
3. Denzel Washington
4. Samuel L. Jackson
5. Hayden Christensen
6. Ian Somerhalder
7. James Van Der Beek
8. Ashton Kutcher
9. Sean William Scott
10. The Rock
11. Brendan Fraser
12. Oded Fehr
13. John Hannah
14. Hugh Grant
15. Colin Firth
16. Liam Neeson
17. Daniel Day-Lewis
18. Leonardo Di Caprio
19. Billy Zane
20. Harry Connick Jr
21. Sean Astin
22. Dominic Monaghan
23. Karl Urban
24. Vin Diesel
25. Paul Walker
26. Joshua Jackson
27. James Marsden
28. Shawn Ashmore
29. Hugh Jackman
30. Will Kemp
31. David Wenham
32. Viggo Mortensen
33. Elijah Wood
34. Tobey Maguire
35. James Franco
36. Alfred Molina
37. Harrison Ford
38. Sean Connery
39. Shane West
40. Stuart Townsend
41. Richard Roxburgh
42. Ewan McGregor
43. Jonathan Rhys Meyers
44. Christian Bale
45. Jared Leto
46. Colin Farrell
47. Ben Affleck
48. Josh Hartnett
49. Bruce Willis
50. Billy Bob Thornton
51. Dennis Quaid
52. Jake Gyllenhaal
53. Patrick Swayze
54. Keanu Reeves
55. Gary Oldman
56. Tim Roth
57. Steve Buscemi
58. Michael Madsen
59. Rick Yune
60. Pierce Brosnan
61. Robert Carlyle
62. Jonny Lee Miller
63. Jude Law
64. Matt Damon
65. Clive Owen
66. Ryan Phillippe
67. Benicio Del Toro
68. Johnny Depp
69. Orlando Bloom
70. Sean Bean
71. Eric Bana
72. Brad Pitt
73. George Clooney
74. Mark Wahlberg
75. Jason Statham
76. Edward Norton
77. Ben Stiller
78. Owen Wilson
79. Vince Vaughn
80. Joaquin Phoenix
81. Russell Crowe
82. Billy Boyd
83. Paul Bettany
84. Heath Ledger
85. Mel Gibson
86. Jason Isaacs
87. Alan Rickman
88. Kevin Costner
89. Christian Slater
90. Antonio Banderas
91. Tom Cruise
92. Ving Rhames
93. John Cusack
94. John Malkovich
95. Charlie Sheen
96. Kiefer Sutherland
97. Emilio Estevez
98. Rob Lowe
99. Matt Dillon
100. Kevin Bacon
101. Adam Brody
102. Andy Serkis
103. Alan Cumming
104. Josh Groban
105. Sean Biggerstaff
106. Zach Braff
107. Harry Sinclair
108. Gerard Butler
109. Marton Csokas
110. Jeremy Sumpter
111. Sean Patrick Flanery
112. Cillian Murphy
113. Hugh Dancy
114. Ioan Gruffudd
115. Mads Mikkelsen
116. Enrique Murciano
117. Jamie Bamber
118. Craig Parker
119. Dean Cain
120. James Marsters
121. David Boreanaz
122. James Spader
123. Kevin Spacey
124. Al Pacino
125. Jim Caviezel
126. Josh Holloway
127. Will Smith
128. Matthew McConaughey
129. Patrick Wilson
130. Milo Ventimiglia
131. Jason Dohring
132. Brandon Boyd
133. Tom Welling
134. Sean Maher
135. Tré Cool
136. Billie Joe Armstrong
137. Mike Dirnt
138. David Straithairn
139. Jason White
140. Matthew Fox
141. Peter Sarsgaard
142. Derek Jeter
143. Travis Fimmel
144. Michael Vartan
145. Rob Thomas
146. James Purefoy
147. Michael Rosenbaum
148. Jensen Ackles
149. William Fichtner
150. Patrick Dempsey
151. Ace Young
152. Francis Capra
153. Ryan Hansen
154. Robert Pattinson
155. Ron Livingston
156. Benjamin McKenzie
157. Tahmoh Penikett
158. Takuya Kimura
159. Takeshi Kaneshiro
160. James D'Arcy
161. James Frain
162. Jared Padalecki
163. Richard Armitage
164. Nicholas Tse
165. Hiroyuki Sanada
166. David Tennant
167. Christopher Eccleston
168. Nathan Fillion
169. Ben Browder
170. Steve Carrell
171. Wentworth Miller
172. Patrick Fugit
173. Steve Burton
174. Scott Clifton
175. Greg Vaughn
176. Jonathan Jackson
177. Scott Egan

Ol Buddy Ol Pal

No, I would NEVER post your high school picture without permission.

I'll acquire said permission when you are drunk and sleeping on my floor.

*smoochies*

BTW, thanks for the dare.

Number One reason not to let the DH and BF get drunk together.

They fight over your bed.


with you in it.

It's not pretty.

It's not a family reunion until someone gets arrested.

*glares at baby bro*

Apparantly the lil one decided that he had to have fun on his few days here. So 7 minutes after hitting town after the reception, he went and got himself arrested.

SIL and Big Bro bailed him out....

and now he's trying to figure out how to get out of court, because the court date is after his plane leaves...

Lickafuckable

OMG!

JJ's a hottie all dressed up for the wedding.

*drools*

I made him try on his new shirt.

OMG OMG OMG.

LICK A FUCKABLE

Polygamist and I didn't even know it.

To: Kris
From: Sexy_sae_jase@gmail.com
Subject: If...

If A woman named Becky from NES calls. You are my wife.

Thanks.

JC

In desperate need of Therapy.

So mom called me last nite to bitch Whine Go over Final wedding stuff. So we're talking and then all of a sudden she goes "I guess I should finish packing my bag for the honeymoon. All that's in there is panties and birthcontrol."

*gagging now*

"I bought new panties for the trip"

Thanks Mom, I needed to hear that.

"One pair is green and matches this negligee"

DED.

So I finally tell her I'm billing her for my therapy. And she's like "Why. blah blah"

So then I'm like How about I tell you where Caity was conceived......

Her response..

No lie..

"It was the fourth of July, I'm sure a park bench somewhere."

OMG SMURFS are attacking...OH wait No NO That's just Caitlyn....

So I'm doing laundry this evening. I leave to take the load outof the dryer and switch them around. I say "Jay, watch Caity while I do laundry"

His reply "What do I need to watch her for?"

So I go do the laundry am gone for maybe 15 minutes, 20 tops. And what do I find when I come back

A SMURF.

She found her blue lotion she got for christmas and has decided it makes wonderful hair gel, and face cream and covered her arms and her legs with it. So she's this nice BLUE raspberry smelling critter.

So I yelled "Caitlyn stop!" and DH turns around and goes, "What'd she get into?"

UM HELLO. You were "watching" her.

His next reply.....is to bust a gut laughing.

Well he laughed all the way to the shower, where he had to get her clean.

IM's with the DH.

mommy2caitybug: I just got told I wa sa lunatic
mommy2caitybug: by someeone who read my blog
J J: lmao
mommy2caitybug: of course
mommy2caitybug: then she goes
mommy2caitybug: I LOVE YOU
J J: lol
mommy2caitybug: see people appreciate my twisted mind
J J: uhhh huh surrree they do
mommy2caitybug: they do!
J J: what other sick and twisted things are you doing with my webcam (?.?)
mommy2caitybug: I haven't done a thing with your webcam
mommy2caitybug: But I can if you want me too
J J: lol
mommy2caitybug: what would you like me to do with it?
J J: I was messing with you

And I'm the pervert.

Dearest JJ, I'm leaving you for Bill and Jen......

We discussed it over email today and I think it's gonna be great.

Bill said that we'll get a King size pillowtop mattress bed set and Jen agreed to the 14 pillows. So we are well on our way.


How this came about....
From: Kris
To: Jen
What's up?

From: Jen
To: Kris
Just sitting here thinking about boobs

From: Kris
To: Jen
Ah. Fun.. I like thinking about boobs.. Hi Bill *waves*

From: Jen
To: Kris
I have too watch these silly CDR's called The Leadership Journey for work and answer the questions. BORING! So, Jens's on the couch reading, I know, its hard to believe that she's reading but I swear she is.

From: Kris
To: Jen

awww. They think your qualified for leadership?? WOW! She's reading?! OMG!? Gasp! Shock! The horrors. Lucky Wench

From: Jen
To: Kris
Yeah! They let me boss 25-30 people around, not sure why, but they do. Yup, definitely reading, looking darn sexy doing it too I might add. I just might be late for work. lol

From: Kris
To: Jen

LMAO! I'm moving to WI....*Kicks JJ*


From:Jen
To: Kris
Well...c'mon then

From:Kris
To: Jen

Tell Jen she has housemates moving in.

From: Jen
To: Kris
Ok, we'll have too get a bigger bed.

From:Kris
To: Jen

with pillowtop mattresses??

From: Jen
To: Kris
Sure Jen says that sounds good

From: Kris
To: Jen

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT And Jen doesn't mind this??


From: Jen
To: Kris
No, she just giggled a little that's all.

From:Kris
To:Jen
A good giggle or a bad giggle?

From:Jen
To: Kris
Do you mean bad as in we're going to prison bad or bad as in get out the sex toys bad?

From:Kris
To: Jen

Um Bad as in "I'm going to kill Kris" bad... But your second choice works too...

From:Jen
To: Kris
I'd never kill Kris, DH is much handier to off. LOL *winks*

This craziness brought to you by the emails of Jen, Kris, and Bill.

I am not really leaving my husband. YET

FLOVING JEN's HUBBY.

So we all know that Jen's DH asked for pictures of the kinky's titties.. *waves to Bill*

Me, I obviously can't stand down a challenge such as that.....but of course I'm not gonna send my own. So I go on the search for some pictures for him. I'd post them here, but I believe I traumatized myself enough while finding them and I'll spare the rest of you.

Let's just say they were all not flattering woman.. :)

Anyways.......here's Bill's email responses. And yes Jen knew I was emailing her hubby naked woman pictures. She's teh one who gave me his addy.

To: Kris
From: Bill J.

Where did you find the pic of my ex-wife? lol

To: Kris
From: Bill J.

Those are NICE!! Thanks since Jen's gone til Sunday I'll have something to help me out ;-P

To: Kris
From: Bill J.

Yeah I read the blogs and y'all are twisted, but that's cool. I like twisted, I like twisted alot. What?? No more pics?? And you call yourself a major kinkster?? I've got more pics of Mother Teresa's tits than yours!

To: Kris
From: Bill J.

That sounds fun. But kinda messy, in more ways than one (who said that) you ladies are starting to rub off on me, look at that is said "rub off". And Ii said it again. I miss my wife.



And now I'm totally coveting the man. Damn you Bill. Damn you Jen. Where'd you send him for training??

Interesting convo's of the day....

From IM:

AtTwilightGarden: LOL can you picture it..

Romantic Gestures Do Not Go Unpunished..

While lighting my new Yankee Candle, I decided to set the romantic mood... while giving my husband great head, I attempted a pornstar move and my hair swirrled right into the candle... it could have been a disaster! Note to self, never light candles with penis's in your mouth


Real Life:
Mom: You should be glad that I cleaned out the bathrooms in the house. I found someone's vibrator in the top of the linen closet.

CAN WE SAY EWWWWWWWWWW.

Yeah we're still not sure who's it was......but I point the finger at the older brother. It had to be one of his girlfriends. and yes if I had found it, I'd have to have cut off my hand.

Baby Girl

Happy Second Birthday
Caitlyn Elizabeth

I'll be sure to post pictures after her party!

Married Hookers....

nerson1969: I'm a married hooker?
GemBlue89: hookers for your DHs there
Mommy2Caitybug: Um
Mommy2Caitybug: Wait
humatheguma: i'm staying out of this one. :-)
Mommy2Caitybug: he's sposed to pay for it?
Mommy2Caitybug: DAMN
nerson1969: lol
humatheguma: lmao kris
Mommy2Caitybug: do I get back billing?
GemBlue89: ok i did it again
nerson1969: I want back pay

Kinky Test

Taken at: http://www.hotlanta.com/kinktest.htm

I scored 421.

401 to 500 You are a major league kinkster!

Was there ever any doubt?

Another Kinky Test

Slightly Freaky Kink You scored 71% on kinkyness and 43% on freakishness...

You're moderately kinky, with some underlying freakish undertones... Good for you. At least it's a start. Now, have some more promiscuous sex, engage in some BDSM, pick up a bunch of toys... and come back to take this test in a few weeks.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 64% on kinkyness You scored higher than 35% on freakishness

Link: The Freakishly Kinky Test written by capricia on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Cutest Flower Girl........ EVAR

Sexual Harassment in the workplace??

Where ever would you get that idea.

*smoochies*







We're innocent.. INNOCENT I tell ya.